I Wanna

Posted: March 10, 2010 in Poetry
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Last night was the March edition of Voices of Venus and it just happened to feature… Ruthanne Edward!

Great show. Ruthanne told stories about Viola Desmond and Mabel Hampton as well as telling the story of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves from the perspective of Morgiana (who was actually a slave, though that isn’t the focus of Ruthanne’s version).

The VoV open mic included great pieces by Nadine Thornhill, Jessica Ruano, N is for Nubian and more!

Great show. The next one features Emily Kwissa and you will NOT want to miss that!

CONTEXT: March, 2008

I tried something a little different for this poem. The delivery is intentionally stuttering to portray the unease and lack of confidence in the world that ‘that guy’ (meaning me) lives (lived) in.

I would consider the poem successful in that it captures what I wanted it to. It just isn’t very ‘commercial’ (which doesn’t bother me at all).

I have had it requested once, which surprised me.

    I Wanna

I want to find that guy
Sitting on a mattress on the floor
Looking up at the thin light
Spilling across the cheap ’70’s
Fake wood panelling.

I wanna
I wanna
I want to find that guy
Who doesn’t see why
Pulling on a pair of jeans
Instead of lying under a
Pile of blankets
Matters to anyone.

I wanna
I wanna
I want to find that guy
Who moves that old Robert Smith poster
To cover the hole punched
In the plaster
Just in case anyone comes over.

Which they won’t.

I wanna
I wanna
I wanna tell him

I want to find that guy
Who forgets that anyone loves him
Or that anyone cares
Or that anyone notices.

I wanna
I wanna
I wanna tell him

I want to find that guy
Who sees the alien in everyone
Who feels so misunderstood
That explaing seems pointless.

I wanna
I wanna
I wanna
I wanna tell him
I wanna tell him
That it all gets better
That things will make sense
That he will understand.

I want to find that guy
Who seeks the truth
Whatever truth is
Whatever truth sees in him.

I wanna
I wanna tell him
That truth is not a concrete thing
And he must find it within.

I wanna make everything better.

I wanna
I wanna
I want to tell him
That one day people will
Understand him
And that he will understand them
And they will understand him
And he will understand them
But
But, I wanna tell him the truth

So I can’t.

I wanna
I wanna
I want to find that guy
Who weighs his life against the world
And finds them both wanting.

I wanna
I wanna
I wanna find
I wanna find the path to enlightenment.

I want it to be easy
I want it to be hard
I want it to be easy
I want it to be hard

I want to find that guy
Who wants not to care
Who wants not to think
Who wants not to want

I wanna
I wanna
I wanna tell him
It gets easier
I want to show him it gets easier

I want to lie
And tell him it gets easier
I want to cry
And tell him it gets easier
I want to try
To tell him it gets easier

I wanna
I wanna
I wanna show him
I wanna show him it was worth it.

The pain, the blood, the tears
I wanna show him it was worth it
I wanna show him it was worth it

It was worth it
It was worth it
I wanna show him it was worth it
Because it was worth it

It was worth it.

““““““““““““

Next up is the response to my constant bewilderment upon encountering racism, sexism, homophobia or the like.

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Comments
  1. Danielle says:

    I love this piece. I really want to hear it.

  2. […] kid – to let them know it gets better – how could I do that? I tried a little bit with I Wanna and Step Back, but I wasn’t […]

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